Subject: The Elves of Safety Management
To Whom It May
Please be advised that all Companies planning to dash through the
snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields, and laughing all the
way, are required to undergo a Risk Assessment, addressing the safety of open
sleighs, and the use of alcoholic beverages by the people concerned.
assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse
for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers.
Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from
landowners before their fields may be entered or traversed.
offending those not participating in celebrations, it is request that laughter
is moderate only, and not deemed loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance,
or cause any form of pollution.
Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs
are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch
their flocks at night.
While provision has also been made for remote
monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a Centrally Heated Shepherd
Observation Hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response
plan must be submitted in writing to account for known risks to the flocks and
The Angels of the Lord are additionally reminded that
prior to shining his / her Glory all around, she / he must confirm that all
shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for
the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of 'The Glory'.
Following last year's well publicised case, everyone is advised that EC
legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr
Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from Reindeer
Games will be considered discriminatory.
Disciplinary action will be taken
against those found guilty of this offence.
While it is
acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practiced in various parts of the
world, particularly The Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts
is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered with the
This applies regardless of the individual, even
It is particularly noted that direct gifts of
currency or gold, are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign
Corrupt Practices Act.
Further, caution is advised regarding other
common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate Allergic Reactions. or
any form of Euphoria.
Finally, in the recent case of the infant found
tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been
advised and will be acting shortly.
The Elves of
Safety Management Team.